In the trenches

So all of a sudden there is no “role” for you to play. You’re having a gap year. You’re a wife and a mum. You’ve never really just been a wife and a mum before. You’ve worked. Hard. Done quite well. You’ve been clear about who does what, when and received feedback when its been needed. Work is after all structured. Organised. The tasks are clear but so is your role in the group. It’s written down after all. you have a job description.

So what happens when you remove all of that? it’s partly liberating. You can do what you like, within the constraints of a 12 week olds feeding schedule and the needs of a very independent toddler. “I do it myself Mummy. I do it for you Mummy.” ” I do a cooking together Mummy. ‘ You can go to the beach. You can go to the shops. You can visit with your Mum and your aunties. Even write a blog. 

It’s partly confusing. There are no guidelines. Throw in the fact that your husband has been solely responsible for the house and the child raising for two years and you get a bit of cross over.

It goes something like this.

 Me “Can you watch the two year old while I ….” 

Him “well she doesn’t need to be watched she can just roam around the house.”

Me (silently) “Well, what if she jumps of the second level balcony while she’s not being watched? ” (Out loud) .. “Sure OK” which is universally known to be translated as “You’ve got to be kidding.” 

Negotiating all of this is really relying on incredible level of communication between two very independent people. Which doesn’t always work. At the heart of this is a constant and brutal competition to see who’s needs are going to be met today?

The baby’s will. Obviously. The two year old. Sometimes reluctantly. and then comes the choice between the adults. That’s where the fun starts.Well, they said marriage required hard work. Some days I think I want to go back to work and get a break. Does that seem odd to you? I am assuming that there is another level of freedom and relaxation to come. Here’s hoping.


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